Connect with your audience!
Working with an audience is often the most important part of what makes a burlesque performance.
I acknowledge that getting great feedback from our audience is often a big motivator in burlesque - and any creative endeavour.
And if you are a perfectionist, over achieving type you will probably be looking in many different ways for that external approval or feedback.
Sure, it's great to hear the applause of the audience and to have people buzzing over you after a show telling you how great/glamorous/fantastic you are. Who doesn't love a compliment, right?
But it has a flipside that can be dangerous for your self esteem at times.
Who hasn't experienced that post -show blues, when all the buzz disappears? Or where you get a quiet crowd? Or when you have an off night or tank on stage?
Yup, me too.
And to be honest, it can make you feel like absolute crap. Because your judgement of how successful you are has been built into the revolving door of applause, great comments and general love-in.
But it's important that it doesn't turn into a cycle of negative or unhelpful thought processes,; or that you measure your success solely in the eyes of others. Remember you are important too!
I've written and talked before about self -confidence and doubt, and how much of that is wrapped up in worrying what other people think.
All we can do as performers is to prepare ourselves to the best of our ability, and set out a dedicated work plan (one that is realistic and in line with where we are at in our careers).
We can enjoy the time in the spotlight, but the ultimate reflection of success is better when it is driven by ourselves, rather than what someone who might have had 64 beers thinks on the night.
Here's my tips for getting that good, positive self reflection loop going:
1. Figure out whose feedback you want
Tanking on stage or having a bad night - we've all been there! And we've all had a good show too, I'm sure. But they are moments in time. While we all want the good nights, there's going to be times when we just don't land how we want to.
Getting constructive feedback is important to that continuous improvement loop. But I don't think it's best served from the front row (nice though it can be). Figure out that inner circle of people - friends, mentors, teachers etc - whose opinions actually matter. These are the people you can turn to when you feel like an act just isn't landing for you.
2. Take the time for constructive feedback
Following on from working out your inner trust circle, it's important that you build in time in your performing cycle to get that loop of ongoing improvement. It could be informal chats with the people you trust. It might be booking workshops or professional training and opportunities.
3. You are more than your stage persona
You need to step back and put your performing into context. I was recently reminded that this isn't the sum of ourselves, and it really helped me divorce myself from that cycle of seeking approval from others. If I have a good night onstage, it doesn't make me a better daughter, friend, lover, person. Equally, if I have a bad night it doesn't define me as worthless or as a bad person. I'm still that same person with those values. Putting that bad night into perspective is essential.
4. Know your values
Knowing when criticism is important and valid is really helpful. For me, that usually involves working out what does and doesn't matter (and who it comes from). It can be helpful in that sense, to work out a sense of your own values so you build from yourself a sense of what is important to you. This means it becomes driven from you - and not anyone else. Again breaking that loop of approval seeking.
5. Diary out all your good stuff
If we want to break the seeking approval loop, it's important that we start to approve of ourselves and drive it from within. You might have a couple of approaches to this - for me it's having one diary, but you might want one that focuses just on your performing. This could be a mental diary or physical. Physical works for me because I really need to get out of my own damn head! But basically it's a tool for positive reinforcement. Every time you do something that is in tune with your values, or that fits the work you are doing towards your goals, literally write it down! Some of the things for me have been:
- I volunteered today for an hour (affirming my value of kindness)
- I put in some extra preparation for my class (affirming responsibility)
- I took some time to give someone else constructive feedback (affirming knowledge)
But it could be praising yourself for your work in burlesque:
- I was proud of the way I handled the rowdy front row
- I practised for 10 minutes today
- I maintained eye contact for the first time
- I turned up to a class!
By doing this really basic exercise you are not only working towards a process of self-affirming, but if you do a physical diary you will end up with pages of good shit that you have done. You can then look back on all the things you (yes YOU!) are proud of, which can be super positive when you have those moments of self doubt.
6. Give yourself a daily mantra
This is super daggy and twee, right? But I set myself an affirmation. Normally I do this when I'm at yoga, but you could do it making a piece of toast. Find a mantra, a goal, a thought that means something to you. It's not a book of life affirmations of 'wise women' quotes. But something that means something to you. Lately I have been loving Eleanor Roosevelt's "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Which speaks to my current headspace.
But some days the mantra has been simple like "I'm taking 20 minutes today to rehearse because it's important to me" or "I will offer more kindness in my teaching today".
Verbalising to yourself your priorities, or something that is a positive affirmation is really important in getting yourself goal kicking and affirming what is valuable to you.
Summing it up
What I have - kinda clumsily - written, is that the audience needs to be only one component of measurement in burlesque. Important, sure and it's important when people are paying money that we give our utmost. But equally not to set so much store in other people's feedback that we perpetuate constant approval seeking. The way you perceive yourself, and the way you set your own goals to work towards are also really important!
If you have any super duper tips, pop 'em in the comments below. Or let me know if you try any of these tips and how it works out for you.