Building up confidence and resilience - Practical tips

One of the biggest requests for advice that I get is around building up confidence (for new performers) or getting the 'mojo' back (for more established performers that had a few knocks to their self-esteem).

In many ways I actually hate the term 'confidence'. Because really you can be a great performer and not always be that confident.

The term I often think more on is cultivating 'resilience'. A super wanky phrase, perhaps. But it’s not always about building up bullet proof confidence. But about how you set yourself back up when you have a knock back or feel rejected.

Whatever you name this up as, these are my practical tips for helping you get a bit more resilient to the knocks of life. Some tough love, but also some practical advice.***

1. Tough love time: Take some ownership 
Take some ownership of your behaviour. Complaining that you don't feel confident isn't going to get you anywhere.  You need to decide that you want to identify your problems and work at how you are going to solve them. I say that with love. It's a hard thing to do. You can't expect to go to the gym once and run 10 kms. Equally you can't expect to do one burlesque class and be instantly more confident. It's a muscle you exercise over time,

2. Not being confident all the time is okay. 
Having a critical mindset is okay. Not being 100% confident all the time is important, because it stops you doing crazy risk taking behaviour. It's about managing 

3. Identify your problem and 'name it up' 
Saying that you have self doubt and struggles with confidence onstage are pretty generic statements. It’s also not something that is solvable. You need to identify what specifically scares you or worries you so that you can work on managing this: Is it physical? About technical skill? Or is it worrying about what people think about you? Once you have figured that what worries you it becomes a problem that can be fixed. For example, saying that “I’m scared about being onstage” is truthful but not helpful. But if you say "I'm really scared about what someone will say about me". You can then create better resources to help you manage that fear and what you will do to overcome it.

4. Accept what you can't change 
Once you have the problem identified, you can start to solve it. For any performer, one of the big things you need to come to grips with is that there will be many things you have no control over. And if you can’t accept that you will always struggle on stage. One of the things I hear constantly is the fear of what the audience will think about you. You have basically zero control over that. So it's pointless circling and hooking onto that thinking. You can accept that it’s a worry and it’s reasonable. But you can also let yourself off an endless cycle of thinking about it.

5. Change up your self talk 
We wouldn't let our friends talk the same amount of smack that we talk about ourselves.  It's not helping you to constantly talk shit about yourself. It's not getting you to the goal of being a better performer. It's normal, sure. But not helpful. So I recommend checking out some of the mindfulness apps that might help you stop that cycle of thinking. Or go and have a walk, chat to a friend, get out of the house. But the big thing is to remember that this isn't helping us be a better performer.

6.  Problem solve and set realistic goals 
Like when you are naming up your problems, make sure you name up some realistic goals.  If you are worried about your abilities or your competence as a performer, you can totally solve that problem!  But equally, if you haven't performed for a while or you are a newer performer, it's really unlikely you are going to be Dita Von Teese overnight. That's not a realistic expectation. So set yourself a standard that you can meet to be a good performer at the level you are at now. And then set some goals for how you are going to get there. This might be:

• 20 hours of rehearsal time 

• Spending $200 on my costume

• Spending 2 hours on technical advice I'm going to get (e.g. a workshop, dance class) 

• Seeking some mentoring  

• Doing 3 dress rehearsals

If you set some key goals that are realistic at your level, you can meet these. And then you'll feel really good about getting to those goals. 

All of these tips really help me in changing up my attitude when I'm feeling really shit about myself. They aren't rocket science. Anyone that's done a stress management course or picked up a mindfulness app will have come across some of them. But it makes the fear conquerable. You do need to give yourself that 'tough love' in wanting to solve your problems - rather than wallowing in your problems. But you can totally get there.  

Let me know if this helps! Or pop in the comments below if you have some other great tips about how you get your 'mojo' back. 

***Disclaimer: This is, of course, not a substitute for proper health advice. If you really are anxious, depressed or having more serious problems have a check in with your GP. There's also Beyond Blue and Black Dog in Australia that are really helpful.